Whose eyes do you see yourself through ? What words do you use inside your head to describe yourself?
My prayer at the beginning of 2013 was for God to heal me of insecurity. I have the verse “He must increases, but I must decrease” John 3:30 on my bathroom mirror and on my fridge. I have prayed numerous times to be emptied of my own self doubt and fears and filled with His Spirit. So far this year, God has brought scripture and friends who have affirmed me in too many ways to count. They have spoken words of affirmation; they have given me positive Scripture to bury in my heart. These have strengthened my security and put me on the path to healing.
Well God has answered my prayer with a deeper, more meaningful answer and harder process than I ever anticipated. While I had in mind the insecurity of not fitting into skinny jeans or not being invited to every friend’s every party, He decided to get to the root of the insecurity. He went straight for my very identity. How do I define myself? What words to I play in mind as I look in the mirror?
Step 1: Identity the Words you use to Define you.
God chose to allow an estranged family member back into my life who has been hurtful and verbally abusive to me. This family member was only back in my life for a short while, but in the few and short conversations this person, they use many word to describe me. A few were bright and beautiful, which I was thankful for these. Some other words in the same conversation were deceitful, hateful, and thoughtless.
In hindsight, I am grateful for these interactions because God used them to open my eyes to lies I have believed. As I heard myself being called these things from someone who had really didn't know me at all, I realized I still saw myself through this person's eyes. I have taken the the words of others and buried them deep in my heart, and really BELIEVED them. I saw that God was answering my prayer by showing me I still believed and even used lies to define who I was. Over and over again I have taken words that have described a past behavior and used it to define my character and identity.
Step 2: Recognize the true source of the negativity
The key to lasting healing with be when I truly recognize the source of these negative defining words are not from this family member, but Satan himself. I am choosing to rebuke the lies of Satan. This family member is not the one seeking to destroy me like a lion prowling the night. Our enemy wants to destroy me and there is nothing too low for him to scheme as he seeks to destroy those who Choose to find their identity in Jesus Christ.
Step 3: Recognize the true source of the my Identity.
God is bringing me new defining words. In every scripture that has touched me in the past two months, there has been a thread of being made new in Jesus Christ. Last week we even learned about the metamorphosis of butterflies in our Kindergarten home school. The Bible lesson for the butterfly unit is “God can make me new”. As I had my children repeat this simple principle over and over again, I am praying that I would also believe it. That I would choose to see the new defining words God has given me. I choose to believe words spoken by friends, by family and by my children. I am choosing to let the words spoken by the people who know me best and the identity given me by my Savior become my new defining words.
What words will you allow to define you?