Monday, December 8, 2014

A (Recovering) Yelling Mom's Story


Hello, My name is Robyn. I am a yelling Mom and this is my story. There, I said it.  It is an awful truth of my life.  The worst thing about this truth is I know the pain of being yelled AT by your mother, yet I have allowed the cycle to repeat.

The beauty of Savior is I am a recovering Yelling Mom. I am several months "clean" of not yelling at my kids. Now how do I do it you ask?  There are several practical things I do on a daily basis  (making sure I am not overly tired, prayer & coffee before our days starts,  looking for natural consequences in parenting instead of resorting to yelling), BUT I STILL FAIL.  Like a lot. 


The true way I have found out of continuous yelling is to embrace Conviction.  
The only way to embrace the conviction is to see it for what it IS NOT:

Conviction is not shame.  
Conviction  is not condemnation.  

Condemnation and Conviction are OPPOSITES
 A quick way to discern if you are feeling condemnation/shame or conviction is: where does it make you run? 
  • Condemnation/ Shame make you run and hide away from God
  • Conviction makes you run towards God for cleansing and change through repentance.

Shame is Satan's Tool Against Us
"There is not condemnation for those are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1 

 "Mommy Guilt" is a common term in our modern world of parenting, but I think it is also a common way our enemy wants to keep us from growing, or seeking help I tried for a long time to make myself 'good enough' before I would come to Jesus with my yelling. How could I look for help from mentor Moms when I could not even be honest with them of my problem? That is exactly what our Enemy wants us to do, he wants you to live in the darkness, to stay away from Jesus and the support system of your fellow sisters in Christ. 

We must not hide sin or we could allow it to become a chance for the devil to drive a wedge between us and our Savior. Shame is about keeping sin in the darkness. Jesus is the light, and he brings the light even to our most shameful places.  (John 1:4-5, 1 John 5-9),  Shame. is. not. of. Christ.  PERIOD. 

Unfortunately I have let the enemy drive that wedge of shame between me and my Savior too many times to count.  I am very acquainted with shame.  If you are feeling "Mommy GUilt" that manifests as shame and the urge to hide from your Savior, renounce is as a the lie it is.  No growth and change will be found in the dark. Remember your Savior Jesus is light, and His light is a gift.  

Conviction is God's Gift to Us
"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 1 Cor 7:10

I am asking you to feel sorrow about your yelling.  Yep, it sucks, I know...but you have to feel God's grief before you are to get better. Not worldly sorrow, like we said above, that is shame and is a tool of Satan. Not "Mommy Guilt "that keeps you from being vulnerable with those who have walked down the same path. 

Godly sorrow is otherwise known as conviction. To  feel that Godly sorrow, we have to take responsibility for the yelling.  No can make me yell, only I can make me yell. We think it is just "who I am and I can't change". When we make excuses about our family of origin, our disobedient children, or our personality (and yes I have made all of these),  we are not truly feeling Godly Sorrow.  Sorrow is an essential side part of repentance, which leads to forgiveness and lasting change. 

 Unlike Shame that hides your sin in the dark, Conviction is a tool for God to bring what is in the dark into the light. It  is a tool of freedom, not of bondage.  Shame is a stronghold of Satan, chaining you to the repeated sin patterns because you are too embarrassed to ask for help.   Repentance leads to freedom to change those patterns that have harassed you in the dark alleys of shame.  It is liberating because it frees from our old cycles of sin, we don't have to be that person anymore! 

The beauty of our God's conviction is we don't stay in sorrow.  I have lost my temper with my children, and  I get to to ask for forgiveness from the Lord. Then I get to ask for forgiveness from my children.  

If you skipped to the end to get the Answer to Stop Yelling....
LEAN IN BECAUSE HERE IS THE SECRET TO BREAK A CYCLE OF YELLING...you can't. If you have a bent towards yelling, you can not stop yelling on your own.  You may be able to stop for a an afternoon, or a day, or even a week.... It won't last...not on your own. 

OK, I probably lost a lot of you right there because that sounds like a bummer, but admitting your need if the first step to getting it filled. DEPENDENCE ON GOD is how stop. DAILY DEPENDENCE AND HONESTY, sometimes by the the minute. When I was willing to feel the Godly grief that led to prayer, I was able to truly discern where the yelling comes from, how to discern when I am close to my breaking point, and forgiveness that truly keeps me from repeating it. 

Embracing His Conviction means embracing His Forgiveness, and promises to perfect you. I will NEVER be too needy for God. God will never say "Nope, you have already asked me to stop your anger 5 times today, I have better things to do ....and you are too needy,get a hobby." He welcomes my need, tells me to run to Him when I need Him. Embrace that, embrace the freedom of conviction because it makes us RUN TO GOD to fill our need. 

C.S. Lewis  says 'The Christian does not think God will love us because we are goodbut that God will make us good because He loves us.' Jesus didn't die for me because I was good enough, He died for me because HE was good enough. 

God can break the stronghold of yelling, AND the stronghold of Shame, in your life. RUN TO HIM.  I promise you that from a fellow recovering Yelling Mom. 


"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 

 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 

 If we confess our sins, he is FAITHFUL and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:7-9


No comments:

Post a Comment